When is it time to start therapy? 7 Signs It's Time to Stop Saying, "I'll Handle It Myself."
If you're reading this, there's a good chance you've wondered whether therapy could help you. Maybe you've even searched, "How do I know if I need therapy?" and then another thought quickly followed:
"I should be able to handle this myself."
As a therapist, I hear this all the time. In fact, many of my clients waited months or even years before reaching out because they convinced themselves they weren't struggling enough. Therapy isn't reserved only for people whose lives are falling apart.
If you're wondering whether it's time, here are seven signs that it might be.
1. You're functioning...but you're exhausted.
You go to work.
You take care of your family.
You show up for your friends.
You get everything done.
From the outside, your life probably looks pretty good.
But underneath it all, you're running on fumes.
You're constantly thinking about the next thing that needs your attention. Rest feels impossible because your brain never really turns off. Even when you have downtime, you struggle to enjoy it because you're mentally making lists or worrying about what's next. You feel weary, but not like a good sleep can fix it. Like you’re weary in your spirit.
2. You keep telling yourself, "It's not that bad."
One of the biggest reasons people delay therapy is because they compare their pain to someone else's.
"My childhood wasn't that bad." OR "Other people have it much worse."
While those thoughts may sound humble, they often become a way of talking ourselves out of getting support. Maybe that inner dialogue of a self-critic that has kept you from connecting or getting help throughout your life, compounding the stressful dynamics you’re in now. I see this a lot in adults who felt overlooked and were “mature for their age” as kids.
You don't have to prove you're suffering enough before you're allowed to ask for help.
3. You're the person everyone else depends on.
You're the planner, the fixer, the one people call when something goes wrong. You genuinely care about the people in your life, but somewhere along the way, you've become much more comfortable giving support than receiving it.
You check in on everyone else. When was the last time someone checked in on you? If asking for help feels uncomfortable, therapy can become one place where you don't have to hold everything together. It can feel uncomfortable to be in the position of receiving support, but worthy the try.
4. You've tried to figure it out on your own.
Maybe you've read the tried and true self-help books, listened to the latest podcasts, you’ve try to journal and mediate, and you love a good “growth opportunity” and yet it has not moved the needle.
Those things can all be incredibly helpful. Maybe you’ve reached a point where the information is not what you need, now you need to know what to do with it all.
Maybe you need another human being to help you notice the patterns it’s hard to see from inside them. Therapy isn't about replacing your own wisdom. It's about helping you access it in a different way.
5. You keep running into the same patterns.
You’re having the same argument themes across relationships, the same weekly Sunday night anxiety, the same burnout language and cycles. Feeling that no matter how much you accomplish, it's never quite enough.
When the same patterns keep repeating, it doesn't mean you've failed. It’s information that something has to interrupt this pattern, it needs attention and a different perspective.
6. Your inner critic has become the loudest voice in the room.
You second guess yourself and worry you're disappointing people. You feel like everyone else has life figured out while you're secretly making it up as you go.
Maybe you've even experienced imposter syndrome before, the persistent feeling that you're somehow not good enough even though there’s an abundance of opposite evidence.
Our inner critic can be incredibly convincing.
Therapy helps you learn to recognize that voice without automatically believing everything it says. And if you’re super interested, it can help you make peace with the ways that inner critic originated and impacted you along the way.
7. You're waiting until you're in crisis.
This might be the biggest misconception about therapy.
You donot have to hit rock bottom before reaching out.
You don't need to wait until your relationships are falling apart, or until you're having panic attacks or completely burned out.
Therapy can be preventative, supportive, and catch the cycle before it does get worse.
It can help you understand yourself better, strengthen relationships, navigate life transitions, process grief, heal from past experiences, or simply create a life that feels more aligned with who you want to be. A lot of my clients that aren’t in crisis come in to work on their boundaries, grow their insight, their coping skills and have a stronger sense of identity and acceptance.
You don't have to wait until you're desperate to be worthy of connection.
What Happens During Your First Therapy Session?
One of the biggest fears people have is not knowing what to expect.
Good news! Your first session isn't a test and you don't have to tell your entire life story. You’re not supposed to have all the answers. The first session is really a conversation, a lot of times the therapist will lead the session. I do.
We'll talk about what's bringing you to therapy, what you're hoping will be different, how you will want to feel when you finish therapy and answer any questions you have along the way. My job isn't to judge you or analyze every word you say. My job is to get to know you and begin building a space where you feel safe enough to find your own process.
Psst…If it’s Helpful to Know, Even Therapists Get Nervous
Recently, I found myself back in the client's chair for my own EMDR therapy. Even as a therapist, I was really feeling nervous before the session. I knew the process. I trusted my therapist. I (think) I trusted myself.
And yet of course,I wondered if I was doing it "right." I was able to notice that feeling, and let it come along with me. Because often wondering if you’re doing it “right” or feeling that uncertainty is part of the work that has to be done in therapy. So I did, and will continue to do that.
You Don't Have to Keep Handling Everything Alone
If you've been waiting for a sign that it's okay to ask for support, maybe this is it. Therapy isn't about becoming a different person. It's about creating enough space to prioritize yourself even in just that session time at first.
If you're in Missouri or Illinois and have been considering therapy, I'd love to help you see if we're a good fit.
If imposter syndrome or self-doubt has been showing up in your life lately, be sure to check out this month's episode of The Overfunctioning Podcast, where we explore why even capable, compassionate people struggle to believe they're enough.
You don't have to have it all figured out before you reach out, you just need some curiosity to give it a try.
If you’re finding it difficult to incorporate these strategies into your life or need more personalized support, please feel free to reach out.
Share your thoughts in the comments, or get in touch with me directly. We can work together to create a practical, easy-to-use toolkit of coping skills tailored just for you.