Parenting While Grieving: How to Show Up for Your Child When You’re Struggling Too
Grief is hard. Parenting is hard. Doing both at the same time? Nearly impossible.
When you’re grieving the loss—or impending loss—of a parent, it can feel like you’re being asked to hold the world together while you, yourself, are falling apart. You still have to manage the daily tasks, keep up with schedules, and be emotionally available to your child, even as your own emotional reserves are running on empty.
If you’re in this place, know that you’re not alone. Parenting while grieving is one of the hardest things a person can do, and there is no “right” way to navigate it. But there are ways to make space for both your own grief and your child’s, while still showing up with love and honesty.
Grief Can Make Everything Feel Heavy
Grief doesn’t just affect emotions—it affects your body, your mind, your ability to focus, and even your energy levels. You might feel exhausted, foggy, or unable to think as clearly as you normally do. Small tasks may suddenly feel overwhelming. You may feel more irritable than usual, even with the people you love most.
This isn’t a personal failure. Grief slows us down because it demands to be processed. If you feel like you’re walking through quicksand, it’s because your nervous system is doing the hard work of adjusting to a painful new reality.
And yet, as a parent, life doesn’t stop. The morning routines still happen. The lunches still need to be packed. The bedtime stories still need to be read. It’s okay to feel frustrated by that reality. It’s also okay to look for ways to make it easier on yourself.
Lower the Bar—Seriously
If there is ever a time to let go of unrealistic expectations, this is it. You do not have to operate at full capacity while grieving. Give yourself permission to simplify wherever possible:
• Say yes to help, whether it’s from friends, family, or your community.
• Order takeout or use paper plates if cooking and cleaning feel impossible.
• Let go of the idea that you have to show up as your “best self” every day. Right now, “good enough” is truly enough.
Maybe we’re meant to slow down in grief. Maybe the reason it feels so heavy, why it’s hard to move or think fast, is because our nervous systems need that space. Grief is a process. It reshapes us, and that takes time. Let yourself slow down. Let yourself be in it.
Talk to Your Kids About Grief Honestly
Our society does not teach us how to grieve well. Many people grow up in environments where grief is avoided, minimized, or treated as something to “get over.” As a result, many parents struggle with how to talk to their kids about death in a way that feels healthy and supportive.
Here are a few key things to keep in mind:
• Be direct: Use clear language like “died” or “death” instead of metaphors like “passed away” or “went to sleep.” Young children are literal thinkers, and phrases like “lost” can create confusion or fear.
• Acknowledge emotions: It’s okay to tell your child, “I feel really sad today because I miss Grandma.” This normalizes grief and shows them that feelings are meant to be felt, not hidden.
• Let them ask questions: Kids process grief differently than adults. They may ask the same questions repeatedly as they try to understand what happened. Be patient, and answer as honestly as you can.
• Reassure them: Let your child know they are safe and loved, even in the midst of grief. Structure and routine can help create a sense of stability during uncertain times.
You Don’t Have to Carry It Alone
Grief can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Many cultures around the world have built-in mourning rituals—communal grieving spaces where people support one another, process emotions together, and create room for both sorrow and remembrance.
In contrast, Western culture often treats grief as a private burden. We’re expected to “get back to normal” quickly, to keep functioning as if nothing has changed. But grief does change things, and pretending otherwise only makes it harder.
If you’re struggling, seek out support. That might look like:
• Joining a grief support group, either in person or online.
• Talking to a therapist who can help you process your emotions.
• Leaning on trusted friends who allow you to grieve without rushing you through it.
Grief isn’t something you “fix.” It’s something you learn to carry. And carrying it alongside others makes the weight a little easier to bear.
Parenting Through Grief Is Hard—Be Kind to Yourself
There will be days when you feel like you’re managing okay. And there will be days when the weight of grief makes it impossible to function. Both are normal.
You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to slow down. And you are allowed to not have all the answers for your child. What matters is that they see you navigating this process with honesty and love.
And if you need support as you move through this? Therapy can help. You don’t have to figure this out on your own.
Written by Brittanie, Therapist and Advocate for Women’s Well-Being
Brittanie is a licensed therapist specializing in helping women navigate grief, life transitions, and the overwhelming pressures of daily life. She provides compassionate, practical support for high-achieving women, caregivers, and those who feel like they “have it all together” but are secretly struggling. She offers therapy in Missouri and Illinois, helping women set boundaries, rebuild self-esteem, and move through life’s hardest moments with greater peace and balance.
If you’re finding it difficult to incorporate these strategies into your life or need more personalized support, please feel free to reach out.
Share your thoughts in the comments, or get in touch with me directly. We can work together to create a practical, easy-to-use toolkit of coping skills tailored just for you.